There was only one thing that was worse than being a hippy freeloader, and that was being a woman. In Soldier’s opinion there was no better way to man someone up than to completely emasculate him. The loser of a winning team was still a loser. Whether the team won or lost was irrelevant. The team member who achieved the least crits for the day would be subjected to the ultimate shame - wearing women’s clothing until the next battle. “Mmmphh hudda.”Īnd if that was unclear, he presented the team with a shiny thumbs up. Pyro tilted his head to the side and hummed as he gave it more thought. He didn’t have a very high tolerance for suspense. “Well, what’s it gonna be ya mumbling freak?” Demanded Scout. The future of the RED team’s masculinity hung in the balance with one vote.Įveryone looked at Pyro with baited breath. The more open-minded members to vote in favour were Soldier, Engineer, Heavy and Spy. The votes were as follows: Demoman, Medic, Scout and Sniper were steadfast against the idea. With DEMOCRACY! Once again, you’ve done me proud private.” He saluted Engineer with perfect form. “Heck, if it means we’ll win more battles, I’m willin’ to try anything.” “I say we vote on it.” Engineer folded his arms and looked at the rest of the team in defiance. “So… if we wear these clothes, we will crush more of coward BLU team? Is strange, but if works I could try…” Heavy frowned, his mind slowly catching up with the conversation. “Ze goal is to ‘umiliate us until our performance improves. “I see.” Mused Spy while he took a long drag on his cigarette. “Well that’s the bloody point, innit? None of us want to prance about like sheilas. “That was a commendable speech private! The rest of you princesses should take a page out of Engineer’s book. Soldier however, was thrilled that someone could see the genius in this ploy. They all sat around the table fidgeting and avoiding eye contact. “All I’m sayin’ is that I know I’d try harder if this directive hung over my head. He tried to ignore the embarrassment he felt defending Soldier’s looney idea. Maybe this here plan ain’t so silly?”Īll heads turned Engineers way. “Well, if I could play devil’s advocate for a moment fellas. I’d shoot every one of you dead right now if there wasn’t a contractual clause preventing me.”
“I see you maggots enjoy the taste of failure! You make me sick. Soldier smacked his shovel down onto the boardroom table. “Yeah!” Piped in Scout, always compelled to contribute an opinion. “I am afraid I have to agree with Herr Demoman. Medic pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Ye can’t seriously expect us tae go along with this?” “I’m open to new idea’s an’ everything, but ye’ve gone daffy. Maybe this time you ladies will think again the next time you decide to dishonor your country by losing.”ĭemoman was the first to break the silence. “I have taken the preemptive liberty of requisitioning additional supplies. That’s what happened when you ran a nancy team of communists and girl scouts. As Soldier had expected, there was some resistance. Stragglers would be punished in the most punitive method Soldier could devise. He had devised a foolproof system that would ensure every member of the team would pull their weight. The RED team was currently losing to the BLU’s by a 0.05% margin, and to the RED Soldier this was unacceptable. He had spent the past hour explaining it with obsessive detail. Solder had never been more ready to address his troops. A combat strategy that would make Sun Tzu himself weep at the sheer flawlessness of it.
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He’d spent a sleepless night refining the details and drawing out schematics for the team meeting scheduled at oh’ nine hundred the following morning. Perhaps not the craziest scheme the delusional military man had ever devised, but it was definitely in the top ten. What's that? You want to see the TF2 guys in women's clothing? Okay.